17 March 2009

How Was I Supposed To Know..

I got an interesting surprise last night via a networking site I use. A guy in my network I've known for about four years and had been with in an intimate fashion changes his status to,"In A Relationship With...So and So." This came as a shock to me. Why you may ask, because not even a month ago, we were making plans to see each other. Now I know your thinking and?? Well, this makes me wonder the validity of his intent towards me. The numerous text messages, pics and emails exchanged that were um... well you know quite racy. I wasn't thinking as far as relationship because we had talked about it before. But seeing that status did upset me a bit. I had always had a fondness towards him. I looked forward to hearing from him and likewise. But I cannot say that I didn't feel it coming. About a few weeks ago, the text stopped coming. Matter of fact, a simple HI got no reply whatsoever. I thought well maybe his phone is off again or something. Well, last night I got my answer. But for all pleasant purposes, I am happy for him..

I have always wondered why the men I fancy don't fancy me in return. Is it my skin? My legs? My personality? The fact that I'm a single mom(well even before then) etc..etc..etc. I can't and I highly doubt I will ever understand. I don't fit the mold of what beauty is. I don't have the sexy abs or the slim legs or whatever else men google. I hate working out! Sometimes it hurts. It hurts deep and men really don't get that we have feelings. I think its the whole I ME MINE syndrome. And I have standards! Oh boy do I have standards. But it affects me when I'm turned down in any fashion. Hell, its even worse when ignored. To some extent, I think I'm lonely and I envy those who have relationships. I envy those who have someone who is perfect for them and fits their ideals and standards. Sometimes I wonder, will it ever be my turn?

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