26 May 2009

What NOT To Do At a 100Monkeys Show...

Or ANY show for that matter!

You know its bad when Capt. Jean-Luc Picard hides his head in disappointment..

This post was born because of ALL the EPIC FAILS and 2nd hand embarrassments (UC and Moon :D)I have seen via You Tube, Twitter and other blogs regarding Twilight conventions, 100Monkey shows and dammit EVERY BLOODY FAN ENCOUNTER!!

Enough is enough PEOPLE!
So I have compiled a list of What NOT to do at these events!
Heed the knowledge I present to you...

  1. No home made canvas bags with pics (I'm all for creativity..but this reminds me of the Pattinson Pants..again..DONT' DO IT!!)
  2. No monkey hats (unless you are under 14)
  3. No screaming out baby proposals.. (this goes for you too 6ft Amazon pit woman!)
  4. NO SAYING HOW MUCH THE BAND SUCKS in PUBLIC(opinions entitled and dully noted..yes..but save it for your blog...)
  5. No screaming out JASPER! (seriously.....)
  6. No stuffed giant monkeys (yes you girl..This isn't Great America/DisneyLand/Magic Mountain..etc)
  7. No going up to Marty and flirting with him just to get to the guys (I will CUT ya for that!)
  8. If they reek of weed, Don't tell.. Jeepers. (You want someone telling your sordid details??)
  9. If you are at the bar and they're there, do not push your humongous tatas in their face..
  10. Do dress appropriately!(this means no bloody mini-dresses with flip flops!)
  11. No Twilight-inspired permanent works of body art...(no Bella tattoos, Rob signatures, etc.) And if you have it..WE don't wanna see it..
  12. No being rude to regular people.. Karma is a BITCH and a dirty one to boot!
  13. No screaming 'I love you Jackson!' or anything along those lines, in the middle of anyone singing!! I don't want to hear your vocals killing what's left of my hearing!! Not to mention, its RUDE!!
  14. No flirting in hopes of scoring! (You know who you dirty skanks are...)
  15. If you know you are on the plus side..Do not..I REPEAT do not wear anything that makes you resemble Shamu's cousin..sister..bro...(Watch What Not To Wear..srsly!!)
  16. Do not wear the clothes you take out the trash, wash your car, sleep in, etc. at a show..
  17. Do not look homeless.....
  18. Do not jizz on yourself when in verbal distance or close proximity of the guys.. *shudders* They have bathrooms for that!
  19. Do not yell "JACKSON!" in the middle of a street! It induces a fan riot (this means you TwilighterFAIL chick from the weekend...)
  20. Do take advantage of free drinks *winks*
  21. Do yell out and show the late Spencer Bell some love! ~~ http://www.spencerbellmemorial.com ~~
  22. Do not come dressed like a hobo on free lunch day..SRSLY! LAMESPICE! I know your parents taught you better....
  23. Do not wear your skany's best outfit
  24. Don't force Ben J. to sing the Monkey Rap by yelling it out yourself until he sings it just to shut you up...
  25. Do not diss the fan club!
  26. Do avoid all Twi-hards aka die hard Twilighters...(you will know them by their sparkly arms, dazed glossy eyes, and their Twilight merch...)
  27. Do not go to a show just cause its JASPER! grrr *rolls eyes*
  28. Do let the guys know you are appreciative and they have a unique sound..Basically compliment them if ya like the sound..If not..shaddap! :D
  29. Don't tell J he looks like your ex in order to score lol
  30. Do remember if ya have big boobs to wash em and powder them up! No guy likes foul tits
  31. Do wash your arse before said events (SRSLY! I don't like smelling foulness...Not in the age of soap and running water!! ICK!!)
  32. Do not wear your TWILIGHT merch to a show..(again..we know you have spent all your loot on this but they can't sign it all!!!! And secondly, at a show.. GET REAL! )
  33. Don't complain about guys sweating when they are stuck in a room with over 100 other people and there is not a ventilation system in sight...
  34. Avoid all overgrown teenyboppers with hairy pits..(funkspice..ICK!)
  35. Do buy the guys a round if your ballin' like that.. (if not make sure its open bar night :D)
  36. Don't ask J about Rob, Kstew, Taylor, Ash or anyone from the movie..*rolls eyes* If you are there to see the band..SEE THE BAND! grrr...
  37. Do realize that J and Jasper are two different people..one is real...one is FICTION!
  38. No unauthorized mauling or groping...
  39. Listen to the music before you go to the show.. That way, if it sucks, you don't have to waste money!
  40. Be respectful! SRSLY!
  41. Don't ask the same LAME question over and over and..you get my drift! How would you like it if someone asked you 1000 times, "so, did you read the book before you got the role as so and so?"
  42. Don't ask any super duper personal questions..Cause you won't get actual replies!
  43. You can ask about upcoming projects! Us actors/musicians LOVE that stuff :D
  44. No bite me request! EVER!!
  45. Do Not mention you read a fan fic written about them and you want to re-enact a scene*coughs* from it...
  46. Do NOT ask to pose with the actors like in the adverts for the film..*shudders* * facepalm to the dome!!*
  47. Do not convince yourself or them that you are their one true love by stalking their every move..Stealing their plates, retrieving burned out cig butts, following them to the bathroom..
  48. Do not FOLLOW the guys or girls into the bathroom and STEAL their articles of clothing, tissues, etc..
  49. Do not leave ridiculous freaky post on their websites, fan pages, etc..You will get BLOCKED by the admins..(you know who you are..)
  50. Remember, they are human too. The fart and pee just like everyone else..
If you follow my simple rules, and use a bit of common sense you can avoid being a 2nd hand embarrassment and a crazed nutter :D

UC & Moon...Lauren~~>rockSPICE!! :D and thanks to my MC girls.. :D


  1. You know I love your lists man that shit is funny!

  2. lol. Well clearly I will never be aloud to attend another gig of any sort in my future. I dress like a hobo daily. *sigh*

  3. wait.. I shouldn't have yelled Jasper? What about Jacksper? is that allowed?

  4. Awesome! I can honestly say that I adhere to pretty much all 50 rules... i should get a certificate or something ;) I think you might want to add my biggest 2HE moment to your list... Show in April w/ J some very drunk girl tried to ride the Bananna... yes, seriously she jumped on Marty while he was looking the other way. Acosting Marty is not going to get closer to the other guys!

  5. @LTT lmao noo shouting JACKSPER!! lol

    @Emily No way...omg..FAIL! lol

  6. Hey!! I love this list!! Can I steal it and repost it on the saga jackson fansite? I get so sick of the "I love u Jasper" crap on there! email me at ibsidszombie@yahoo.com with denial or permissions. THX!!!

  7. So tell me honestly what is wrong with the homemade bags/shirts and stuff like that? I hear alot of criticism about this....I happen to know that artist do LOVE seeing he creativity come out in their fans.

  8. @Anon

    I didn't mention the shirts because I like the shirts... I've made a few fan shirts in my day.. My thing is the bags.. I think they're tacky and this is solely my opinion.. Hence my disdain for the Pattinson pants. Artist do like it when their fans are creative, but again, there are other ways of showing love to the artist. This goes for fans of anyone..I can share stories of extreme fans of other artist/bands/actors/etc. that will make you question their sanity..But do remember that this is my opinion..

  9. I will probably be stealing this and putting this on my page. Of course giving you credit!

  10. @hiding lmao go ahead..remember proper credit :D


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