Something New

'Ello Lovelies!

I've been working on some things & i'd like to share this with you..

Unintentional..

He's the type that's hard to talk to,
Doesn't like conflict and neither do I.
I am conflicted.
Confused by everything thrown my way.
The silence kills me,
A blow to my self-esteem..
I'm wondering am I falling..

Unitentionally willing to sit this out.
That's not me,
Not what I'm about.
I don't know becomes common
I'm used to this now.
I speak and the walls come up.
Falling backwards & hopeless..

Made up my mind & it has to end,
I can't stay, there is no battle to win.
I'm used to this now
The unrequited cycle..
Option-land knows my name
Sorry he doesn't feel the same.

No reasons to hang on to this ledge,
No need to push anymore.
I see,
There is truth in your actions,
Your words are deciphered..
The lines are rehearsed..

I'm making this worse...
If you felt the same way I did,
You wouldn't go,
Or leave me this way...

Copyright 2011 Saturday'sChild

silent all these years..

"I've been here... Silent all these years..."

Taken from one of my favourite Tori Amos songs. I feel like I'm silent. I let things happen to me & I don't speak about it.. I don't speak to it. Festering inside me & growing until I'm suffocated with it. And once it has consumed me, I lose all focus. I fall fast & noone knows this. Well, until now. But hey, who actually reads my dribble? I decided that this blog will be about me. Not some actors I've met, some band I enjoy, or some franchises.. Just me. Stripped bare-boned as I make my way through life & career. So, this is the beginning of a new age for the Reject's blog. I had something happen to me that threw me for a loop.

I fell in deep like. Like? Yes, like. I think the word love is misused & overly abused these days. You can love shoes, food, make-up, and of course people.. but like? Aah.. I met this guy and it was like I was slapped by the universe. In one week, everything changed. Walls were brought down & blinders ripped away. And then the monkey wrench happened & I'm sitting here feeling broken, used, hurt, and hollow. I feel gutted & I can't really explain how it occured. So now I'm in that space. That space where I don't care anymore & want things to end. I ask myself how? How did I let this go so far? There were many things in the way & possibly wouldn't have worked... But, I wanted to try. Shakespeare once wrote, 'it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,' I disagree. It is better never to love & experience such despair than to love & die once love has left.