02 February 2011

silent all these years..

"I've been here... Silent all these years..."

Taken from one of my favourite Tori Amos songs. I feel like I'm silent. I let things happen to me & I don't speak about it.. I don't speak to it. Festering inside me & growing until I'm suffocated with it. And once it has consumed me, I lose all focus. I fall fast & noone knows this. Well, until now. But hey, who actually reads my dribble? I decided that this blog will be about me. Not some actors I've met, some band I enjoy, or some franchises.. Just me. Stripped bare-boned as I make my way through life & career. So, this is the beginning of a new age for the Reject's blog. I had something happen to me that threw me for a loop.

I fell in deep like. Like? Yes, like. I think the word love is misused & overly abused these days. You can love shoes, food, make-up, and of course people.. but like? Aah.. I met this guy and it was like I was slapped by the universe. In one week, everything changed. Walls were brought down & blinders ripped away. And then the monkey wrench happened & I'm sitting here feeling broken, used, hurt, and hollow. I feel gutted & I can't really explain how it occured. So now I'm in that space. That space where I don't care anymore & want things to end. I ask myself how? How did I let this go so far? There were many things in the way & possibly wouldn't have worked... But, I wanted to try. Shakespeare once wrote, 'it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,' I disagree. It is better never to love & experience such despair than to love & die once love has left.

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