31 March 2010

What NOT to Do At A 100Monkeys Show.. EVER! REVISED!!!

(Disclaimer: Due to some recent fan events at 100Monkey shows, I had to revise this list.. These people give REAL fans a bad image and it is pathetic! There have been numerous post/tweets/ comments on various networking sites and thanks to the ignorance of a few, you, my darlings are receiving new commandments!The original post(created May 2009) is still available on the blog!)


You know its bad when Capt. Jean-Luc Picard hides his head in disappointment..

This post was born because of ALL the EPIC FAILS and 2nd hand embarrassments (UC and Moon :D)I have seen via You Tube, Twitter, Concerts and other blogs regarding Twilight conventions, 100Monkey shows and dammit EVERY BLOODY FAN ENCOUNTER!!

Enough is enough PEOPLE!
So I have compiled a list of What NOT to do at these events!
Heed the knowledge I present to you...

  1. Do NOT jump on stage during the band's performance to do some crazy stunt you just 'happened' to come up with in the spur of the moment! You might think it is a great idea and might have been for some strange or good reason, but you have now just frightened Jackson, pissed off the Bens and incurred the wrath of all the fans in attendance and those watching your behind on YouTube!
  2. Do not yell and scream at band members from the street below up to their second story window!(Yes you Chicago nut job!)
  3. Do NOT run across the street acting like a deranged banshee when Jackson is spotted on the opposite side! Not only do you look like a raging lunatic, but this makes him retreat.. (same Chicago nutter)
  4. No home made canvas bags with pics (I'm all for creativity..but this reminds me of the Pattinson Pants..again..DONT' DO IT!!)
  5. No monkey hats (unless you are under 14)
  6. No screaming out baby proposals.. (this goes for you too 6ft Amazon pit woman!)
  7. NO SAYING HOW MUCH THE BAND SUCKS in PUBLIC(opinions entitled and dully noted..yes..but save it for your blog...)
  8. If you are a band opening up for another band, save your comments for another day.. When noone associated with the guys can HEAR YOU!!!
  9. No screaming out JASPER! (seriously.....)
  10. No stuffed giant monkeys (yes you girl..This isn't Great America/DisneyLand/Magic Mountain..etc)
  11. No going up to Marty and flirting with him just to get to the guys (I will CUT ya for that!)
  12. If they reek of weed, Don't tell.. Jeepers. (You want someone telling your sordid details??)
  13. If you are at the bar and they're there, do not push your humongous tatas in their face..
  14. Do dress appropriately!(this means no bloody mini-dresses with flip flops!) You're going to a show, not a hoochie convention!!
  15. No Twilight-inspired permanent works of body art...(no Bella tattoos, Rob signatures, etc.) And if you have it..WE don't wanna see it..
  16. No being rude to regular people.. Karma is a BITCH and a dirty one to boot!
  17. No screaming 'I love you Jackson!' or anything along those lines, in the middle of anyone singing!! I don't want to hear your vocals killing what's left of my hearing!! Not to mention, its RUDE!!
  18. No flirting in hopes of scoring! (You know who you dirty skanks are...)
  19. Be respectful to ALL in attendance. I know there is bad blood in the Monkey Faniverse, but seriously, Don't bring it to the shows! We all love the guys and we go see them, make spur of the moment trips, max out cards because we love them!! Not to go be evil towards eachother.
  20. If you know you are on the plus side..Do not..I REPEAT do not wear anything that makes you resemble Shamu's cousin..sister..bro...(Watch What Not To Wear..srsly!!)
  21. Do not wear the clothes you take out the trash, wash your car, sleep in, etc. at a show..
  22. Do not look homeless.....
  23. Do not jizz on yourself when in verbal distance or close proximity of the guys.. *shudders* They have bathrooms for that!
  24. Do not yell "JACKSON!" in the middle of a street! It induces a fan riot (this means you TwilighterFAIL chick from that weekend on the East Coast...)
  25. Do take advantage of free drinks *winks*
  26. Do yell out and show the late Spencer Bell some love! ~~ http://www.spencerbellmemorial.com ~~
  27. Do not come dressed like a hobo on free lunch day..SRSLY! LAMESPICE! I know your parents taught you better....
  28. Do not wear your skanky's best outfit (see rule #13)
  29. Don't force Ben J. to sing the Monkey Rap by yelling it out yourself until he sings it just to shut you up...
  30. Do not diss the fans!
  31. Do avoid all Twi-hards aka die hard Twilighters...(you will know them by their sparkly arms, dazed glossy eyes, and their Twilight merch...{to my Twi friends.. sorry lol})
  32. Do not go to a show just cause its JASPER! grrr *rolls eyes*
  33. Do let the guys know you are appreciative and they have a unique sound..Basically compliment them if ya like the sound..If not..shaddap! :D
  34. Don't tell J he looks like your ex in order to score lol
  35. Do remember if ya have big boobs to wash em and powder them up! No guy likes foul tits
  36. Do wash your arse before said events (SRSLY! I don't like smelling foulness...Not in the age of soap and running water!! ICK!!)
  37. Do not wear your TWILIGHT merch to a show..(again..we know you have spent all your loot on this but they can't sign it all!!!! And secondly, at a show.. GET REAL! )
  38. Don't complain about guys sweating when they are stuck in a room with over 100 other people and there is not a ventilation system in sight...
  39. Avoid all overgrown teenyboppers with hairy pits..(funkspice..ICK!)
  40. Do buy the guys a round if your ballin' like that.. (if not make sure its open bar night :D)
  41. Don't ask J about Rob, Kstew, Taylor, Ash or anyone from the movie..*rolls eyes* If you are there to see the band..SEE THE BAND! grrr...
  42. Do realize that J and Jasper are two different people..one is real...one is FICTION!
  43. No unauthorized mauling or groping...
  44. Listen to the music before you go to the show.. That way, if it sucks, you don't have to waste money!
  45. Be respectful! SRSLY!
  46. Don't ask the same LAME question over and over and..you get my drift! How would you like it if someone asked you 1000 times, "so, did you read the book before you got the role as so and so?"
  47. Don't ask any super duper personal questions..Cause you won't get actual replies!
  48. You can ask about upcoming projects! Us actors/musicians LOVE that stuff :D
  49. No bite me request! EVER!!
  50. Do Not mention you read a fan fic written about them and you want to re-enact a scene*coughs* from it...
  51. Do ask for items from the band that are easily replaced, like the 100monkeys glasses. (I personally got Jerad's glasses at the St. Louis show just by asking POLITELY! :)
  52. Do NOT ask to pose with the actors like in the adverts for the film..*shudders* * facepalm to the dome!!*
  53. Do not convince yourself or them that you are their one true love by stalking their every move..Stealing their plates, retrieving burned out cig butts, following them to the bathroom..Taking personal objects off their person....
  54. (I cannot stress this enough!!) Do not FOLLOW the guys or girls into the bathroom and STEAL their articles of clothing, tissues, etc..
  55. Do not leave ridiculous freaky post on their websites, fan pages, etc..You will get BLOCKED by the admins..(you know who you are..)
  56. Remember, they are human too. The fart and pee just like everyone else..
If you follow my simple rules, and use a bit of common sense you can avoid being a 2nd hand embarrassment and a crazed nutter :D

UC & Moon...Lauren~~>rockSPICE!! :D and thanks to my MC girls.. :D


  1. this could be used for most bands...haha. besides the ones that are specifically about the guys.

  2. thank you so very much for taking the time to list these "what not to do's." im not saying that for my sake at all, because i have common sense and im a smart girl, but for all the other not-so-smart and lack-of-common-sense girls who do, in fact, do these things. its utterly absurd. so thank you. :)

  3. Gallie, this is damn good list! It completely reminds me of old and recent NKOTB concerts and meeting them... It's even worse since the fans are all grown up and allowed to wear what they want... Ugh! At one of the meet and greats last year, this girl had a nasty ass shirt with holes in it, and they were large enough to see she was wearing nothing but a g-string underneath... *gags at the memory* The guy's were even appalled by her and her matching twin... Seriously, people need to grow up.

    Phantom Who

  4. I had to laugh girly when I read this,its great!!!! I would have loved to see your face when these things happened in front of you


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