When you find out something disturbing, what do you do?
Do you crawl up inside yourself & block everyone out? Or do you carry on like a proud soldier; marching towards their doom? Do you lash out at any and anyone? Do you seek solace & comfort? Or do you seek destruction and revenge?
When you find out something that has an impact on your psyche, does it traumatize you?
I'm left without words as of late. The lies being told to me & the revelations brought to light have me question everything I was told. And I do mean everything. It changes all I knew and I feel lied to. I was inadvertendly lied to. Lead on in the dark by hands of whom I though absolute trust was place. Does this person know that I am aware? Nope. Am I now cold & heartless to this persons survival, absolutely.
I give everyone the same grain of trust starting out as I've mentioned before. Trust is sacred to me. It is a building block in any type of relationship. But when my trust is betrayed, I wipe you clean from my book. I will not speak to you again & never share things with you. My mum always said that, 'whats done in the dark, will come to light.' And in this case it has.
Why do I feel lied to, you may ask? Well, if one states to you their intent & is stating it to someone or some other bodies without telling you the real deal, is it not a lie? Doesn't it make everything spoken between parties a farce?
As for my involvement with this person, I'm waiting. Waiting to see if they decided to come clean & fess up. Waiting to see if they will be honest & open as they want me to be. But if what is there is based on a lie, then there was no trust to begin with. I have a tendency to read between the lines. So see what is actually there. And what I see is not pretty now. Looking back, I should've known..