the tangled web we weave comes undone

When you find out something disturbing, what do you do?

Do you crawl up inside yourself & block everyone out? Or do you carry on like a proud soldier; marching towards their doom? Do you lash out at any and anyone? Do you seek solace & comfort? Or do you seek destruction and revenge?

When you find out something that has an impact on your psyche, does it traumatize you?

I'm left without words as of late. The lies being told to me & the revelations brought to light have me question everything I was told. And I do mean everything. It changes all I knew and I feel lied to. I was inadvertendly lied to. Lead on in the dark by hands of whom I though absolute trust was place. Does this person know that I am aware? Nope. Am I now cold & heartless to this persons survival, absolutely.

I give everyone the same grain of trust starting out as I've mentioned before. Trust is sacred to me. It is a building block in any type of relationship. But when my trust is betrayed, I wipe you clean from my book. I will not speak to you again & never share things with you. My mum always said that, 'whats done in the dark, will come to light.' And in this case it has.

Why do I feel lied to, you may ask? Well, if one states to you their intent & is stating it to someone or some other bodies without telling you the real deal, is it not a lie? Doesn't it make everything spoken between parties a farce?

As for my involvement with this person, I'm waiting. Waiting to see if they decided to come clean & fess up. Waiting to see if they will be honest & open as they want me to be. But if what is there is based on a lie, then there was no trust to begin with. I have a tendency to read between the lines. So see what is actually there. And what I see is not pretty now. Looking back, I should've known..

silent all these years..

"I've been here... Silent all these years..."

Taken from one of my favourite Tori Amos songs. I feel like I'm silent. I let things happen to me & I don't speak about it.. I don't speak to it. Festering inside me & growing until I'm suffocated with it. And once it has consumed me, I lose all focus. I fall fast & noone knows this. Well, until now. But hey, who actually reads my dribble? I decided that this blog will be about me. Not some actors I've met, some band I enjoy, or some franchises.. Just me. Stripped bare-boned as I make my way through life & career. So, this is the beginning of a new age for the Reject's blog. I had something happen to me that threw me for a loop.

I fell in deep like. Like? Yes, like. I think the word love is misused & overly abused these days. You can love shoes, food, make-up, and of course people.. but like? Aah.. I met this guy and it was like I was slapped by the universe. In one week, everything changed. Walls were brought down & blinders ripped away. And then the monkey wrench happened & I'm sitting here feeling broken, used, hurt, and hollow. I feel gutted & I can't really explain how it occured. So now I'm in that space. That space where I don't care anymore & want things to end. I ask myself how? How did I let this go so far? There were many things in the way & possibly wouldn't have worked... But, I wanted to try. Shakespeare once wrote, 'it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,' I disagree. It is better never to love & experience such despair than to love & die once love has left.

lont time, No post...

Well hello lovelies!

I have been MIA because my computer has been down since May. *cries* I know depressing, right?! But, if you haven't noticed, I'm all over twitter! @gallifreyreject to be exact. There I post everything and anything until my computer situation is resolved. I miss all you dearly and I hope to be back blogging again soon!

Till then..

Your fave Reject,

Gallie

Spencer Bell Legacy Show Dallas 2010

Taken during the final song of the night, 'Thunderdome'

I attended the Spencer Bell Legacy show in Dallas last weekend and one word can only describe this event: FANTASTIC! Spencer Bell was a musician, artist & composer who at the tender age of 20 was struck down with Adrenal Cancer. The diagnosis came before Thanksgiving of 2006 and eleven days later on December 3rd, he was gone. Since his passing, his father, Bill Bell, has worked tirelessly in putting out his son's music posthumously and getting the word out about Adrenal Cancer, along with many friends of Spencer's. SpencerBellMemorial was created to show the world his legacy: the music. In Dallas last weekend, the music is what brought many from around the world to Dallas, Texas.

The poster

The bands playing the shows all had connections to Spencer and I learned by talking with several of them, had been influenced by him in many ways. Drew and the Medicinal Pen, The Stevedores, Tin Tin Can, The Kissing Club, 100Monkeys and Evro were the bands playing the momentous event! Dr. Hammer from the University of Michigan spoke and remarked on how one person has made a difference. Until this year, the only treatment for Adrenal Cancer was a variation of DDT. Now, there will be trials using a new drug to help fight this horrible disease.

The Kissing Club- Water In The Pipes

100Monkeys- Violin

TinTinCan- Billie Jean

Drew and The Medicinal Pen- Dandelions


Many of the bands covered some of Spencer's songs like Dandelions, Violin, The Monkey Song, Billie Jean, etc. I enjoyed every moment! I laughed, cried, and met some cool people! I think the most amazing moment for me was when Dr. Hammer was closing out his speech, the power went out! I don't mean just in Trees, but the whole downtown block of Dallas!! My friends and I thought, please don't shut this down! But it seemed Spencer shut the lights out to say, now what are you going to do! Jackson Rathbone appeared on stage and began to entertain us. Next thing the bands were coming out and grabbing anything non-electrical and began to play. Acoustic guitars, tambourines, xylophones, etc! It was beyond anything I ever witnessed! This black-out created the most epic jam/improv I had ever witnessed!




In a few of the videos, you can hear someone not on stage singing a hook of some sorts, "No power.." LOL! Wasn't she awesome?! Words cannot describe the feelings I had and experienced that night! I hated it was over, but come August, It's going to happen again! I want to thank Bill Bell, ASCCNow, Debbie, Teresa, Suzie, Kristin, and everyone I met that night who made the night memorable! And to the bands, you all were brilliantly magnificent!
Videos courtesy of SaraJew16 and VioletAbsinthe :)

Doctor Who: The Eleventh Hour Review

O....M.....G and... HAPPY EASTER!!

After six hours of waiting, I finally got my hands on the Series 5 premiere of Doctor Who and was I impressed!! Matt was amazing! Truthfully, I had my reservations on him being The Doctor. Following up David Tennant is a hard feat, but Matt did very well!

One of my favorite bits was the food spitting and tossing! I can never look at fish sticks and custard the same way!

"Can I have an Apple?" "Do I have a face no one listens to?" and "The Doctor will see you now!" "Nurse boy, gimme the phone!" "Not him, the good-looking one!" Some of my favourite lines!

Karen Gillan was feisty and has the makings for a great companion. I loved how she chewed him out for not only not coming back on time (5 minutes= 12 years ), but for coming back two years after the Prisoner Zero incident! I think Eleven needs better Time Management! LOL.

There were some classic Ten lines utters and it felt weird hearing Eleven utter them but again, he is still 'cooking', so there are bound to be some ramblings! Partrick Moore! HAHA! And the Doctor can open the TARDIS with a snap of his fingers! YEAH!!! The theme is something I have to get used to.. It's not as dark as I thought it would be. It reminds me when they went techno in the 80's. It is not bad, but it does takes some getting used to. The new opening, I like!! The touches of lightning are neat!!

Overall, I think it was a great start and sets the pace and tone for the rest of the series!

What do you think??